My Dirty Little Secret

I have a confession to make.  Since I'm putting my personal self out there for you, I feel the need to make it right.

While I'm busy encouraging schools to start later, putting my kids to bed at a consistent hour every night and fighting to make high schoolers sleep needs a scheduling priority, I have not been practicing what I preach.  I am guilty of burning the midnight oil.  Well past midnight, I might add.

Maybe it's the New Year calling.  Perhaps it's the extra awareness I have of the sleep needs of others.  Falling asleep at red lights and losing patience with my kids is another sure sign that this situation must be remedied.  In any case, I don't want to cheapen this effort as a "resolution", but it is a personal declaration.  It is, in fact, a personal curfew.

If it's good enough for my kids and keeps them less cranky and much healthier, it's good enough for me.  So, for the last two weeks, I have given myself an official "lights out" at 11:30pm.  That is the absolute latest that I am allowed to stay up.

Unlike the old me, you will not find me on Facebook, checking email, completing writing assignments, folding laundry, using my computer or anything else after 11:30pm because I'll be asleep.  And that is the LATEST I'm allowed to stay up.  (I actually wrote this blog post the day after I planned to because I went to bed at 9:30pm!)

Perhaps the challenges of writing deadlines, a house full of young kids, school and extracurricular activities will force me to stay up as it did in the past.  However, perhaps by enforcing this curfew, I will be forced to reprioritize what really has to be done during the day instead of leaving it for the night and sacrificing my own sleep needs.

After seven consecutive years of dealing with a nursing baby or pregnancy (or both!), my kids are all older and they all sleep through the night.  So, the time is right for me to exercise that right as well.  Yes, contrary to popular belief, sleep is not a priviledge, but a necessity.
It has only been two weeks and I'm noticing things, even as my laundry pile grows and the paper monster attempts to bury my desk.

• The sore throat I had for two weeks went away.
• I find it very easy to say "no" to requests and prioritize what is important.
• I crave less carbs and sugary snacks and I'm losing weight.
• While I cook dinner, I can run a load of laundry, make a phone call, coach through homework assignments, keep the little ones entertained with arts and crafts and dance with my kids. 

I may be scrambling to get things done as I work them into a new routine and things certainly are not perfect (my kids have gotten clean clothes from the dryer and the dried out Christmas tree is still up), but now that sleep is a priority, I don't dread staying up past 1am to "get it all done".  Frankly, I'm inefficient at that time and only able to operate at 50% anyway.

My curfew is like an important appointment that I set for myself.  Just like a dental cleaning or a doctor's appointment, sleep is easy to put off, but hard to ignore in the long run.

This is another reason why www.StartSchoolLater.net has become such an important cause for me.  Sleep needs can no longer be ignored or dismissed as a luxury.

Who's with me?  Who wants to make sleep a priority this year?  Post your thoughts below and share your insights.  Just don't expect me to answer anything if it's past 11:30pm.

Start School Later

I'll admit, I've been busy with a new gig to post much on my blog.  However, I thought I'd summarize my involvement with StartSchoolLater.net, which is a passion that has sucked up all my "free" time.

I'm attaching my recent post on my blog on Severna Park Patch:

I have enjoyed being a Patch contributor for over a year. Now, Patch has graciously allowed me the space to air information topics that are near and dear to my heart.

I have seen first hand how a reader post from Severna Park Patch has blossomed into a widespread national campaign. From Temecula, CA, communities large and small have the ability to inspire, connect and engage a readership. These communities because of Patch Power.

I was so inspired by Terra Snider's original post and quest to petition the White House about starting school times later that local advocacy group, www.StartSchoolLater.net

Terra and I meet for coffee every other week and we plan and dream about a vision that is daunting. For the first time in years, unite across the country, effective change may be within our grasp. This kind of change would never be possible if small, disparate to fend for themselves. That's Patch Power!

Severna Park Patch was the first site to scoop this story. As a result, the issue of school start times will not be easily dismissed least considering the health, safety and equality of school age children.

With a blog comes certain freedoms. I get to post opinions and musings. I will continue to contribute objective local reporting space is a little more personal. And, trust me, it won't be too serious all the time. I'll be posting other things, like parenting strategies and things that I hope inspire you the way they inspire me. You get a chance to share the journey with me and suggest your ideas as well. Come along for the ride!
Frugally Yours,
Maribel Ibrahim
www.TheFrugalWriter.com

Why You Need a Budget (YNAB)

I'll be honest, while I'm a mom first and blogger second, this opportunity is too good to pass up, so I had to post this today.

Another confessional I have is that I have not reconciled my bank accounts since last October because I refused to be bullied into buying the next generation version of Quicken.  Frankly, it is not an upgrade if the prior version WILL NOT FUNCTION.  I paid for it, and I'm OK with not getting support for it, but think about it.  Would you continue business with your phone store if if the sales clerk dropped your phone in the toilet, then suggested an upgrade?  That's what Quicken is doing with their "upgrades".  They can stick their upgrades where the sun don't shine, dang it!

While I disagree with their business practices, they really had me because I've been using Quicken for 10 years.  I refused to give them any more of my money, but I did not find an adequate replacement.  That is, until now.  Allow me to introduce you to my Quicken Replacement, YNAB (You Need A Budget).

I am not getting paid to write this and they are not giving me anything for it.  But, when I did their 7 Day trial in September and we had that power outage, they generously gave me a 30 day extension, just because I asked for another week!  Amazing customer service.

I was already planning on buying the software, because it did everything Quicken did for me faster and easier.  And, you will never be forced to get a stinkin' upgrade if you don't want one.  The interface is fluid and easy to understand.  You can import online transactions and your prior financial files if you want.  They will give you a phone tutorial and a web conference to show you all the neat features.

It is November and I still hadn't purchased it yet.  Why?  Because they generously gave me another extension that would last until Dec 7th.  (They knew I'd be busy with Back to School stuff and traveling and eating for Thanksgiving....)  That's another thing, the free trial is not a limited version of the real thing.  It IS the real thing, in all it's glory.  You will know exactly what you are getting and you get to try it out before you buy it.

As a Cyberdeal, YNAB has offered a 35% discount to current users to share with their friends.  They then extended it to folks like yours truly, who are still using their trial license.  However, the deal expires TODAY, November 30, 2011.  Which is why I put off everything else to post this now!

If you already know that you will not be upgrading Quicken, but you need to find a replacement fast, YNAB is the answer.  Trust me, I've been looking around.  This software gets the full endorsement from The Frugal Writer because it will save you money, is a good one-time investment and will help anyone take charge of their finances.

The software retails for $60.  I was going to take my lumps and pay the full monty because it would pay for itself quickly since I would never need to upgrade.  However, you can get it for $39 (35% off) if you buy it here:  http://ynab.me/cybertuesday

Try it...  If you are not happy, they will give you your money back.  Oh, and tell them The Frugal Writer sent you.  I've already purchased the software, but hey, it never hurts to mention your friends.

UPDATE April 30, 2013:  YNAB no longer offers a refund.  This is because they now give you a 34 day trial and once you activate the software, there is no way to ensure that it is uninstalled or unused after purchase.  Still, 34 days with the full size version of the software is more than enough time to decide if you like YNAB.  Also, this blog post was written before the release of YNAB 4, which is a great improvement to already good software, so it is still worth the investment.  Also, there is no limit on how many computers or devices you can install the software on, so everyone in your house can access the budget on their own machine. 

Cashing in with Coupons at BJ's

Saving Money is Hard Work!

I did it again.  I went to the BJ's without my coupon book.  Granted, I'm not much for cutting out a lot of coupons, but the monthly membership book can really save you money, especially if you are going to buy the items in the book anyway.  Just buying a big box of diapers, paper towels, baby wipes and juice boxes with the right coupons can easily net you $15 in savings, just from the members coupon book.  Not too shabby with hardly any effort.

My unsuccessful trip turned into an fascinating lesson in BJ's couponing.

Savings Scenario #1:  Get an Extra Coupon Book at the store

Go to the Membership Desk and ask for a Members book.  The lady in front of me did this.  It was early in the month and she simply asked if the member books had been mailed out yet since she did not receive her copy.  The associate said yes and asked for her membership card.  The customer was given a pristine copy of the BJ's Journal and the Member's coupon book for the month.  Genius!!

Obviously, you can't just grab a ton of these books and you should use the book you received in the mail.  But, if you really did forget your book, why not ask for an extra that is just sitting at Member Services anyway?  So, I did.  (I was actually in line to return the second pack of paper towels that I mistook for toilet paper).  Even though I finished my transaction and wasn't going to use these coupons now, I went ahead and asked for the coupon book.  Cha-ching!

Next time I forget my coupon book, I'll ask for a book before I start shopping!

Savings Scenario #2:  Return Coupons instead of Merchandise

Yes, I looked through the book to see if there were any coupon opportunities I missed.  Sure enough, there was a $5 coupon for the diapers that I had just purchased and loaded in the van.  It was naptime, so I made a plan to come back solo after dinner to return the diapers and buy another box of diapers with the coupon.  You could argue that the time spent returning to the store might not be worth $5, but the thrill of saving money was enticing.

Now, here's where my return trip was indeed profitable.  I mentioned to the Member Services associate that I was only returning the merchandise so I could go back and buy another one using the coupon.  Would I be able to just return and repurchase it here with the coupon and save us both some time?  She did me one better when she said, "You don't even have to bring the merchandise next time.  Just bring in your member card, your receipt and the coupon and we'll redeem it for you."  She promptly completed the transaction and handed me $5.  Sweet!!!

This means that anytime I find a coupon for items that I purchased while the coupon is valid, I can still redeem the coupon AFTER the purchase.  Better yet, I don't have to lug in the merchandise and "return" it.  They'll just scan the receipt.

I found my BJ's Journal when I checked the mail and sure enough, there was a $3 coupon for the toilet tissue I just bought.  No worries.  Next time I'm at or near BJ's in the next two weeks, a quick trip to Member Services with my coupon and my receipt will net me an easy $3.

And, yes, you can stack manufacturer coupons for even more savings.  Happy $hopping!

Boo Who?

This post may draw some fire, but I think it's worth taking a chance.  As a child, I have pleasant memories of Halloween - trick or treating, swapping candy with my siblings and cousins and watching scary movies.  However, as a grown-up, I've struggled with a holiday that glorifies gore and evil.  As a Christian, I have wavered on whether I should take part in Halloween celebrations, ignore them or somehow modify them to be unscary but still fun.

I live in an ugly, violent world and Halloween could be a way to glorify all this.  While it's tempting to hide away and isolate myself from all the spookiness, I have found something worth trying.  Getting Booed....

The concept is simple, go to www.BeenBooed.com, print out the "You've Been BOO-ed" poem and graphic and leave it with a sweet treat on some unsuspecting neighbor's front door.  There's no ulterior motive.  There's no plea to join a church.  There's no position one way or the other of whether I'm promoting Satan's work on the most sacreligious of holidays.  But there is something....

For the first time in a while, I am seriously contemplating leaving a secret treat to unsuspecting neighbors that I have never taken the time to connect with.  I am expanding my horizons and looking at who in my community I could "BOO" since it's totally anonymous.  It certainly is not evangelism, but who's to stop me from praying for my neighbor as I leave their treat? Who's to stop me from doing something kind?  What can stop me from giving something fun and joyful to a complete stranger with no strings attached?

Check it out for yourself.  There's no loaded message.  But there is a way that I can pass on joy, kindness and to be a blessing during a holiday that already knows too much salty, scary, gory, ugliness.

Sunday Lonely Sunday

It would have been a strange request a year ago.  My friend, a faithful woman, with a strong legacy of children and grandchildren in church, is someone worth listening to.  So, when she asked if she and her husband could sit alongside me to help me with my children in church, surprisingly, I was not offended.

Was it because my kids do somersaults on the pews and sing the fart song instead of the doxology?  Was it because I was somehow incompetent or worthy of someone else's pity?  Absolutely not.  As my friend explained, she felt led by the Holy Spirit that this was something she should ask me.  Remarkably, instead of giving into guilt or pride and trying to "hold it together" and "do-just-fine-by-myself-thank-you", I said, "That would be lovely, thank you."

It was a little awkward in the beginning that first Sunday.  My kids weren't sure why "they" were here with us, but I just explained that "they" were friends that wanted to sit with us.  It sure was handy when my oldest boy had to go to the bathroom and I didn't have to let him fend for himself and hope he came back within five minutes.  If I needed to take someone out of the sanctuary for correction, I could leave the other kids in the watchful care of my friends.

As the service progressed, I had two, wiser, experienced coaches, gently guiding my children in the way of worship.  I didn't feel bad, or ashamed or embarrassed.  As I looked merely a few pews ahead to see their own grandchildren with their own parents, I knew that what I was being given was a true gift - the gift of family.

My secret confessional is that Sundays, for a long time, have been one of the loneliest days for me.  It's quite the paradox, actually.  I've got kids with me, tons of acquaintances to meet and greet and yet Sundays seemed like a cruel hoax.  I do not have extended family nearby and my husband does not share my faith.  So, as everyone gathers around to enjoy family time after church, I am sorely reminded that I'm on my own.

I don't know if my friend truly knows how much she has blessed me.  I know also that the Holy Spirit guided me to this place, preparing a heart that would have otherwise been offended, ashamed and embarrassed.  Amazingly, my friend does not feel sorry for me.  She said, "Please don't take anything that I say as a criticism.  I applaud you for bringing your kids each Sunday and doing it on your own.  I just want to be here because I love you."

So there you have it.  I don't go to a cool church.  I have inherited an amazing church family.

Music Review: The Kelly Bell Band - Phat Blues

Aside from Pandora and the PBS channel, my musical horizons pretty much match what is acceptable for the preschool crowd.  So, when the hubby and I had the chance to go to the 44th Annual Maryland Seafood Festival without kids, watching a good concert wasn't even on the radar.

However, when I checked the listings and found a blues band starting, oh, about 10 minutes after we got there, I thought it would be nice to check out.  I love watching any live music.  And, after watching my fair share of kids entertainers and puppeteers at the mall, I'll sit through anything, especially if I don't have to chase after a few three foot groupies in the audience.

I was pleasantly surprised at the band that played.  So much so, that this festival, for me, will be remembered as the Maryland Phat Blues Festival, with seafood as a mere side dish.  The Kelly Bell Band, of Baltimore, was THAT good.

As we heard the strains of blues music playing and gathered to find a few seats on that clear sunny day, I was most impressed that this band was playing original music and no covers.  With funny one-liners, like, "I dedicate this next song to my ex-girlfriend, because I hate her...", lead vocalist Kelly Bell entertained the crowd with amusing social commentary and smooth, rich vocals.  Like an older, wiser Corey Glover, Bell's passion came through whether he was rocking out like Zeppelin or crooning like Lionel Ritchie.

Low and behold, the band that "didn't do covers" laid out an impressive juxtaposition of (but not limited to) BB King, Iron Maiden, The Commodores, Rick Springfield, Bo Diddly, The Jackson 5 and KC and the Sunshine Band. The passion for the music was clear as the band demonstrated a breadth of encyclopedic knowledge and deftly handled key changes, tempo shifts and whole, complete shifts in genre with sophistication and ease.

Covering Grand Funk Railroad's "We're An American Band", the Kelly Bell Band was a study in contrasts.  The six-piece multicultural ensemble included the lead vocalist rocking out his dreadlocks to a hard rock classic.  They looked nothing like the all-white Grand Funk, and yet, what they were doing was truly American - uniting different cultures, backgrounds and styles in a celebration.

This day was particularly memorable because it was also the tenth anniversary of 9/11.  While the Kelly Bell Band put on a great show with good music and lots of laughs, the final, tribute song was unpredictably fitting.  I'm sharing it here because Kelly Bell's a cappella rendition of "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" should not be misread as some trite version of sorrow.

Those that only know the song as a punch line may not know the origins of the song.  An African American spiritual, the song is an ode to how suffering slaves looked forward to heaven, a much better place than where they were.  For those of us left to deal with the rubble left behind on September 11th, Kelly Bell's offering soothed our bleeding hearts with a salve of hope, as blues music was created to do.  Bell took a gamble on a song that might have been lost on most of his audience members.  But in the end, he shared his heart and allowed us all to grieve with the hope for a better tomorrow.