Sunday Lonely Sunday

It would have been a strange request a year ago.  My friend, a faithful woman, with a strong legacy of children and grandchildren in church, is someone worth listening to.  So, when she asked if she and her husband could sit alongside me to help me with my children in church, surprisingly, I was not offended.

Was it because my kids do somersaults on the pews and sing the fart song instead of the doxology?  Was it because I was somehow incompetent or worthy of someone else's pity?  Absolutely not.  As my friend explained, she felt led by the Holy Spirit that this was something she should ask me.  Remarkably, instead of giving into guilt or pride and trying to "hold it together" and "do-just-fine-by-myself-thank-you", I said, "That would be lovely, thank you."

It was a little awkward in the beginning that first Sunday.  My kids weren't sure why "they" were here with us, but I just explained that "they" were friends that wanted to sit with us.  It sure was handy when my oldest boy had to go to the bathroom and I didn't have to let him fend for himself and hope he came back within five minutes.  If I needed to take someone out of the sanctuary for correction, I could leave the other kids in the watchful care of my friends.

As the service progressed, I had two, wiser, experienced coaches, gently guiding my children in the way of worship.  I didn't feel bad, or ashamed or embarrassed.  As I looked merely a few pews ahead to see their own grandchildren with their own parents, I knew that what I was being given was a true gift - the gift of family.

My secret confessional is that Sundays, for a long time, have been one of the loneliest days for me.  It's quite the paradox, actually.  I've got kids with me, tons of acquaintances to meet and greet and yet Sundays seemed like a cruel hoax.  I do not have extended family nearby and my husband does not share my faith.  So, as everyone gathers around to enjoy family time after church, I am sorely reminded that I'm on my own.

I don't know if my friend truly knows how much she has blessed me.  I know also that the Holy Spirit guided me to this place, preparing a heart that would have otherwise been offended, ashamed and embarrassed.  Amazingly, my friend does not feel sorry for me.  She said, "Please don't take anything that I say as a criticism.  I applaud you for bringing your kids each Sunday and doing it on your own.  I just want to be here because I love you."

So there you have it.  I don't go to a cool church.  I have inherited an amazing church family.

Beach Blanket Church

I have to thank my oldest son for teaching me an important lesson and I thought it was good enough to share here.

My seven month old (aka "biscuit") is a wonderful baby, but he's been clingy. It could be a number of things - teething, separation anxiety, exhaustion. Who knows. I've been attending church while he stays in the nursery and my 3 year old is in the toddler room. My 5 year old attends church with me and it's been more of a training session. You know - me telling him to be quiet, sit still, color in your book, listen to what the pastor is saying. It's been challenging, and I wonder if any of it seems purposeful.

Teaching my children about Jesus is important to me, so I trudge on in this exercise. I've even just decided to hang out in the narthex, or the church hallway with the boy and watch the service from the nice TV they have there. A few Sundays ago, the biscuit was not willing to stay in the nursery. Exasperated, I went to retrieve him after Sunday School with the thought of just going home. I was frustrated. It had been a tough time with record setting blizzards and weeks of cabin fever. Now, as I gathered our things and prepared to leave, the music started and Aidan sat in our usual spot. Impatiently, I said, "Aidan, what are you doing?" He said, "I'm just listening to the music, Mami."

The kid had a point. Why couldn't I just sit there with him and the biscuit and "go to church". Why was I getting frustrated over something I could not control or change? And, furthermore, if my little man wanted to sit and listen to praise and worship music, I was not going to force him to stop!

If all three kids were there, there would have been running in the hallway and madness. It would have been fruitless. But Maya was having a great time in the toddler room so I spread a blanket on the floor and sat there with my boys. We ate snacks the same way we always do since Aidan is always conveniently hungry during church. We sat and listened and drew pictures and snuggled. I nursed Lucas and changed his diaper without having to leave my spot. I didn't have to rush after church service to get a cranky baby home and keep track of two kids running around like pinballs while I attempted to change a diaper in the bathroom.

It wasn't perfect and it may not have been as worshipful as I'd have liked, but it was nice. I was calm. I stood and sang the praise music even though there was no one else but us. I heard more of the sermon than I usually do and Aidan made funny faces trying to make his brother laugh. I basked in the stillness of worship and got the fuel I needed for the rest of the week. It was like being at the beach on a sunny day and just enjoying the atmosphere. So, for now, we're having beach blanket church. Yes, I'd like to join the rest of the congregation and eventually, we will. For now, I'm going to enjoy my time at the "beach" and allow my kids to soak up God's love their way.