Baseball's Secret Weapon: Maribel Magic

I am not a superstitious person.  At least, not anymore.  However, given the current state of affairs with Postseason Baseball, it's time to 'fess up about my childhood obsession, watching the Yankees.

I am a huge, huge baseball fan.  I grew up in Jersey and only dreamed of going to Yankee Stadium.  I had a crush on Bucky Dent, loved fellow Brick City native Rick Cerone and saw Goose Gossage shut it down many times before Mariano even signed on with the Yankees.

It almost horrifies me to say it, but I never did get to the old Yankee Stadium in my lifetime and I haven't been to a live home game in New York yet.  Purists may argue that I'm not a real fan, since I've never been to a real home game.  (I did watch the boys in Camden Yards though, but I know that doesn't count.)

Yet, the thing that gives me cred with the Yanks, at least in my humble opinion, is my passion for watching the game.  My passion for watching matches their passion for winning, which is huge.  While it may have been highly coincidental, and has most certainly never been statistically verified, I observed very early on in my watching career as a kid that if I did not watch the game to the end, the Yanks would lose.  More importantly, if I watched the game, no matter how far behind the Yankees were, they would have a famous Yankee rally and go on to win the game.  I've recently dubbed this phenomenon Maribel Magic. 

I recall many nights on the couch, watching intently while the boys would come alive with two outs in the ninth inning and rack up over 5 runs to tie a game and send it to extra innings, or just clinch it right there.  Those rallies were just amazing to witness and are the reason I will always hold the Yankees close to my heart.  Payrolls and personalities aside, there has always been something transformational about their will to win, even when they struggled with weak pitching or hurt players from the 70's all the way to today.

Baseball fans are generally a superstitious lot, and I began to feel the pressure to watch my boys.  I would feel a twinge of guilt when I fell asleep and the boys lost.  I really felt remorseful when they lost a lead in my absence when I was growing up.   Now, as a full-time mom, I can't watch a lot of baseball games and I don't live in Jersey anymore.  But the Yankees have given me the pleasure of watching many Postseason contentions, even while here in Baltimore.  So, while I don't believe Maribel Magic wields some actual, real power over Yankee wins, it's fun to think that if I can will it enough, the Yankees will take it all the way to another World Series title.  And, it just seems to happen more often than not.  When I watch the games, they win.  When I don't?  Oh boy....

Chatter Brain, Motor Mouth

It has taken me a while to figure out that my brain, which only shuts off when I go to sleep (and even then, not so much) is not typical.  Many people have quiet, silent spaces between their thoughts.  I have no idea what that is like.

When I've asked people, "What are you thinking about?" I'd occasionally get "nothing".  Nothing?  Really?  The mind is always processing something, isn't it?   The chatter in my brain, which I've always taken for granted, is not common, apparently.  Whoops...

Since that revelation, I've gone on to get an assessment for Adult ADHD.  Medically, this is a growing development where adults are finally finding out that they have ADHD.  It is not adult onset ADHD.  The patient always had ADHD, it was just never diagnosed when they were kids.

For me, this is particularly telling, since I was diagnosed with ADHD without hyperactivity (formerly known as ADD).  In fact, most girls with ADHD are often undiagnosed, because they are not swinging from chandeliers or rappelling off bannisters when they are little.  They "behave" nicely in school and seldom get "in trouble". 

But it makes a lot of sense.

It's the reason that I will forget the groceries if they are in the back of the car.  Out of sight, out of mind, baby.  I have even walked in the house, talked to family members about my purchases and STILL forget to unload the van if the purchases are not on the passenger seat.

It's why I will get lost, or at the very least, make about 2 U-turns when I go to your house.  And, yes, I realize I've been there 5 times.  I actually factor in a U-turn allowance for trips.  And, yes, the GPS, one of the best Christmas presents I have ever received, is used daily to get to church, friends' houses and anyplace else.

It's why anytime I do ask for directions, after the second or third step, I have drifted off in my mind like a deer in the headlights and will not hear anything else.  (I've been known to stop and ask for directions five times when they are very complicated directions).

At a 3 minute stoplight, my brain has been firing thoughts nonstop.  It could seem like 20 minutes and when I snap out of it, I have a mild freak because for about 2 milliseconds, I forget where I am and where I'm going.

I will interrupt you and talk alot about myself.  It's not that I don't care about you.  Au contraire, I'm very interested, but I know I will forget what I was going to say if I don't just say it right then.

I do my best thinking when I'm in motion - working out, driving, etc.  Some of my best ideas come when I am in the shower or during a yoga class.  I guess these are the few times that there is only one conversation going on, the one in my head.  So yes, when I'm talking with you, I'm having two conversations.  This is also why interrupting just comes naturally to me.

In Russell Barkley's "Taking Charge of Your Child's ADHD", I was reading a case study to learn more about ADHD for my son.  It was amazing, because the little girl who talked nonstop could have been me.  That case study was me in grade school, exactly!  In fact, my nickname in school was "Motormouth Maribel".

I can do the work of 10 when it comes to productivity, but will eventually crash and burn with lethargy.  I've been able to get away with this, especially with work, because while I'm still vegging out, my counterparts are just starting to catch up again.

ADHD is also why there are some unexplained times why it will take an eternity for me to write a simple email, why I find myself researching the mysteries of reverse mortgages instead of paying the bills and why some very simple things can really take me a long time to do.

For me, ADHD has been more of a nuisance and a frustration.  For some, it is very debilitating trying to manage a brain that is firing out of control. While I am not taking any medication for it, the need for medication in many cases is very legitimate and very effective.  I can joke and laugh about it because I have unwittingly built up many coping strategies and support systems that allow me to be effective.

Knowing about ADHD allows me to finally acknowledge that I am not undisciplined or uncaring, I just have trouble filtering things out when I need to.  In getting a diagnosis as an adult, I have been able to be more forgiving of myself.  Instead of berating myself for getting lost yet again and wondering why "I can never seem to figure it out", I understand that this is just how I am wired.  Now, I know that I will peter out if I continue at a rapid-fire pace, so I consciously try to set boundaries, commit to less things and simplify wherever possible. 

I am a work in progress and still bite off more than I can chew.  But, now, at least I can start being more effective with the strengths I have instead of letting my weaknesses drag me down.

Maribel Ibrahim, The Frugal Writer, created www.StartSchoolLater.net and is a Co-Founder of Start School Later, Inc., a grassroots coalition dedicated to ensuring that the health, safety and equity of children are protected when determining school start times.  In fine ADHD style, she just made the cut and wrote this post in honor of September being ADHD Awareness Month.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

 

We’ve been back in school for a month.  As fall rolls in, so does the sleep deprived stupor that many of our public school students face as they grapple with early school start times.

There are some unsettling things we’ve found in our quest to educate the public about the need for healthier school start times.

At Start School Later,  we are dedicated to letting the general public know about the need to establish healthy school start times that do not conflict with the biological needs of students.  We’ve met with legislators, public officials, community members, parents and anyone else that will listen to our message. 

Ironically, a 7:17am start time does not seem to resonate with most folks that do not have high schoolers.  The impression is that this is the time students WAKE UP for school.  It doesn’t seem so bad to wake up in the seven o’clock hour, since most adults do it.

Our kids need to wake up at 5:30am or 6:00am to get ready and be AT school by 7:17am.  This is the eye-opener that most people do not understand about this problem.  

Most students get more sleep by sacrificing breakfast, passing up a shower or getting a ride instead of walking or catching a bus.  (They can’t go to bed earlier if they are getting home from sports events later than 9:00pm with homework waiting to be done).

As a sophisticated industrialized nation, we are sacrificing the basic needs of children to save a fast buck and maintain a system we are loathe to change.  What about the students that don’t have access to a car?  What about the students that have no choice but to walk to school in the dark, sometimes on busy, dark streets with no sidewalk and lots of traffic?

Most adults would not choose to stand outside on a pre-dawn corner to get a ride to work.  Yet, we ride by in our cozy cars and vans, passing many of our children who have to “report to work” earlier than most adults.

Somehow, we can jump through hoops when schools mandate early dismissals or sports schedules change, but we are not willing to consider collaborating in our communities for the long-term health, safety and equity of all of our public school students.

Hold on, there’s more.  Our magnet students face an even larger burden.  Because most of them are going to schools outside of their normal jurisdiction, they face longer bus rides.  And, ironically, instead of magnet programs starting on a different schedule, they start at 7:17am, forcing students to get to a centralized bus stop (which might require a longer walk, prior bus trip or car ride) even EARLIER than their mainstream counterparts.

In Anne Arundel County, MD, the #727 and #747 buses both make their first stop at 6:00am in order to service students that are in the Performing and Visual Arts High School program.  Bus #543 starts at 5:45am in order to service West County.  Bus #144, which serves the South County High STEM students, starts at 6:15am.  Bus #130 starts at 6:10am.

So, if you are a motivated individual excelling in school, you have to get there even earlier and travel farther than your sleepy “regular” contemporaries.  No good deed goes unpunished. 

Here’s the other kicker.  More economically advantaged students would just go to a private school or other specialty school outside of the public school system to hone their skills or prepare for their career. 

Many of our public school magnet students are coming from economically disadvantaged locations. They don’t have their own cars and may have to walk a mile to get to the bus stop.  Their parents are most likely to both have to work, leaving the student to fend for themselves without a convenient ride to school.  Is this the message that we want to send to our motivated students that want to excel?  That to work hard and perform well, you have to endure an even more demandingly sleepless schedule than your peers?

There is something severely broken in this system, when we continue to turn a blind eye to the basic health and safety needs of our youth and couch them as “character building” for when they “grow up”.  Let’s open our eyes and wake up to what we are really asking our youth to do.

Chime in below and tell us of your early morning sojourns.  How do the students in your family get to school?  Let’s get the conversation started, so we can get our heads out of the sand and start getting real.

Maribel Ibrahim, The Frugal Writer, created www.StartSchoolLater.net and is a Co-Founder of Start School Later, a grassroots coalition dedicated to ensuring that the health, safety and equity of children are protected when determining school start times.  Maribel’s Patch blog has recently been ranked in the Top 100 out of over 22,000 bloggers in the Patch network.

Movie Review: Happy Feet

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366548/

I'll admit, I don't get out much.  Adult movies are not on the radar for me, and I'm too cheap to spring for first-run movies for my kids.  So the freebie summer screenings are just my bag.  That being said, I got to see a real gem of a movie this summer, only four years after it's release.  It was one of those typical animation movies for kids, with enough adult humor to give parents the patience to see it through.

I think I enjoyed this movie a bit more than my kids did, because it had a wonderful message, with a great mix of realism and idealism.

(SPOILER ALERT:  Stop reading here if you don't want me to give away the plot).

It starts out oddly enough, with Mumbles, a funny little penguin who is born with shifting, moving feet and an inability to fit in like the rest of his penguin colony.  This kid is different and struggles to find a balance.  How does he fit in without completely stifling his own personality?  This was particularly poignant for me because I see my ADHD son (and myself!) with those same struggles.  We are who we are, and we can't change certain things, but we need to find a way to fit in a society that doesn't operate the way we do.

What I loved about this movie is that Mumbles, internally, accepts himself, even when others don't.  He struggles because he can't fit in the way others expect him to.  His father tells him to keep still and "fake it" to fit in.  His mother loves him, but can't seem to shield him from the ostracizing public.  He even has to venture off and abandon his love interest because he knows he will never be able to live up to her standards.  He needs his space.

When Mumbles finds his rhythm with tap dancing, it is his way of expressing himself.  It's not accepted at first because in the movie, penguins learn to sing and share their heartsong.  A crew of outcast penguins give Mumbles acceptance, a first glimpse of community that Mumbles has desperately longed for.  In the end, Mumbles is able to share his heartsong through his dancing feet, influencing a positive change and a fresh new way of doing things.  He does not have to abandon who he is but is able to use his strengths to counterbalance his weaknesses.

How glorious would it be, if we could embrace each other, and show compassion for those who are different?  Instead of ridiculing and mocking those that don't fit our typical mold, why not look for the gifts that they bring outside of the mold?  In the end, as Mumbles gains acceptance, he does not have to change himself or conform to standards he can't attain.  He blesses his colony with the gift of dance and everyone is all the better for it.

Why I'm ODDly ADDing

Being a mom to three hyper kids has always been an adventure.  Having a ramped up personality myself, I figured my apples didn't fall far from the tree.

But as my oldest son grew older, things that should have gotten easier got harder.  My enthusiastic, lovable, adventurous little man grew argumentative, angry and generally unhappy, and I couldn't put my finger on why.  He had a hard time controlling himself, hated school and had outbursts that were more typical of preschoolers.

We started clamping down and disciplining him for misbehaviors and willfullness.  We even canceled his 7th birthday party.  One evening at dinner, he was punished for misbehavior and was not allowed to play with his father's iPad, a usual evening ritual.  The next thing that happened gave me chills.  Unfazed, my son very politely asked for paper, scissors and markers.  He wasn't upset over the punishment, but was very intent on getting something done.  When I inquired why he wanted these things, he very happily said, "I'm going to make my own iPad, so I can play it."

What gave me chills was that he was comfortable with shifting from reality to fantasy as a coping mechanism.  He was so chipper that it was eerie.  While this incident, in and of itself, was not a huge problem, I saw a dangerous future, where my son would easily be able to distort reality in order to cope with an undesirable situation.

I talked with a good friend with a counseling background and the words Oppositional Defiance came up.  I read more about Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and found that my son exhibited all six of the symptoms of ODD.  The symptoms were like a playbook of my son's recent behaviors.  While he wasn't busy destroying property or kicking people, I could see that his frustrations, left unchecked, would get worse.  Oh, and get this, punishment and negative discipline is the WORST thing you can do for an oppositional child.  So, while I prided myself on positive parenting, I was falling into the trap of ramping up consequences and shifting into a more negative way of parenting. (That's a whole new post, more on that later....)

A year later, and my son has been officially diagnosed with ADHD.  In fine fashion, my boy hit the double jackpot, Attention Deficit with Hyperactivty and Impulsivity.  Ironically, I never would have entertained the idea of ADHD without first discovering ODD.  I just assumed my son was strong-willed and hyper.  When he was interested in something, he had laser focus, not an attention deficit!  However, that hyperfocus is actually a trait of ADHD.  Go figure.

So now, parenting techniques that may work for neurotypical children will NOT work for my little man.  It is an odd thing that enforcing more punishment just breeds more misbehavior and frustration in our home.  This shift, a new strategy, is why I am now ODDly ADDing.  As a result, my son is getting the help he needs, tapping into his emotions and getting boundaries established in a way that is encouraging and effective, even if it isn't easy.

We are Not OK

The Real World (c) MTV Productions

This is a message that needs to be said.  I know it will be criticized, and anger and blame will be tossed around like a beach ball in Ocean City.  But it must be done.  You see, we are NOT OK.  Another senseless tragedy has seized our community.  And, yes, hold your breath, because I’m going to say the word:  Suicide.

It is gut-wrenching when I hear a mom friend confide in me that she is glad her son (a close friend of the victim) is meeting up with a group at a friend’s house.  She relates, “What do I tell him when he comes home?  That it’s going to be OK?  I don’t know anymore.”

She’s exactly right.  We are not OK.  The counselors can’t stop it.  Parents can’t stop it.  School administrators can’t stop it.  Not by themselves.  I’m not blaming anyone and I’m not trying to make people feel guilty.  But we all have a part to play in this.  We all need to roll up our sleeves and get busy changing things.  If collectively, we do not acknowledge what is going on, if we choose to continue to put our heads in the sand, suicide is going to keep happening.

The aftermath is not encouraging.  In the letter sent home to parents, the local principal mentions the death and the fact that there are counselors available.  However, there is no mention of suicide.  Even though there are local organizations such as Building Life and a 24-hour national hotline available to students and families, these are curiously omitted.  Perhaps it’s school policy so maybe his hands are tied.  But if we can’t even name the problem, how will we go about fixing it?

Unfortunately, in an attempt to be “respectful”, we lose the opportunity to talk openly about what to do and start healing.  An inquisitive middle schooler, a revered high school coach and a promising high school sophomore have all taken their lives in as many years, right here in my neighborhood.

To coin a phrase from a popular 90’s MTV show, it’s “time to stop being polite, and start being real.”

When patients finally get a diagnosis for a perplexing condition, there may be grief and anxiety.  But, when the disease in named, there is relief, or at least, determination in the face of adversity.

When more value is placed on how kids score on tests instead of being able to inspire them to learn, they just do what it takes to get by and pass the test.  When copious homework requirements compete with the need for sleep and sports, plagiarism and cheating start looking acceptable.

We can have as many counseling sessions and inspirational speakers at our schools talking about “getting help” and how you’re “not alone” but this is all talk with no meaning.   It is a bandaid covering a cyst.

With the mounting pressures of schoolwork, demanding extra-curricular activities and lives that run on a nonstop treadmills, our environment is the perfect breeding ground for suicide.  When top producers are receiving accolades, praises and compliments, who among them is going to stop and say, “I’m tired and I need a break?”

When our students are told, by our society’s standards, that sporting events are more important than family dinners or free time off on the weekend, who is going to speak up and say they’d rather have just a few hours to unwind from all the pressure?

Our students are told to be more responsible and learn to deal with competing interests, to get up and get to school before the trash is picked up and figure out how to fit 30 hours of activity in a 24 hour day.  Students and staff that want a break, state they need a change, or admit that they are tired, are classified as irresponsible, underachievers, selfish or unmotivated.

Who is going to stand up and say enough is enough under these circumstances?  We can say what we want about “getting help” and “not suffering in silence”, but the rules and expectations that we drum into our kids clearly say the opposite.  And they are hearing that message, the message that you should be able to “handle it all”, loud and clear.

As a parent of three young kids, I’m leading my own battle of independence from pressure.  We reserve Sundays for church and unscheduled free time (no organized sports!!) and leave at least one night a week open for unstructured activity.  But, how successful will I be at maintaining this stance when my kids are assaulted with the need to compete with others gunning for the same college admissions and the limited number of coveted jobs in respectable professions?

I co-founded Start School Later because ensuring the health and safety of our students is the first line of defense to help them thrive in life.  Improving sleep fixes all kinds of problems, including apathy, obesity, juvenile diabetes, truancy, risky behaviors, addictive behaviors, depression and suicidal ideation.  It also places a priority on the well-being of our students over all other competing interests and expenses.

My community has a huge homeschooling network, filled with people that are bucking the status quo and doing things by a new set of rules.  People seeking these paths of independence will strike out on their own and be marginalized or ignored by the mainstream members of our community.

What about the people that don’t have the choice or ability to homeschool?  What about those that don’t have the fortitude to take a stand against Sunday sports?  What about those of us who don’t have the reserves it takes to change the rushing tide of unquestioned busyness?

The symptoms of a person who is contemplating suicide is strikingly similar to a person suffering from sleep deprivation.  It’s no wonder we can’t see the signs of suicide until it is much too late.  Let’s stop this dead-end treadmill to merely survive and slog through our days in a relentless stupor.  Let’s reexamine what is really important in our lives and establish realistic priorities and limits.  Let’s talk about really making it important to give our children and community members room to breathe.  Let’s make real, lasting changes and live it by example.

Maribel Ibrahim, The Frugal Writer, created www.StartSchoolLater.net and is a Co-Founder of Start School Later, a grassroots coalition dedicated to ensuring that the health, safety and equity of children are protected when determining school start times.  To get involved, visit Start School Later and join the effort to ensure that children do not start school before 8 a.m.

You are Cordially Invited...

I finally figured out why my church parking lot is jam packed every Thursday morning.  Yep, Thursday morning, in addition to Sunday.

It's called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) and it has revolutionized my life.

Think I'm being overly dramatic?  Nope.

It really has been inspiring for me to dedicate my Thursday mornings to a time of thought provoking discussion, inspirational teaching and disciplined study of the Bible.

My preschool aged kids have benefited too.  They get their own version of the same lesson, complete with play time, music time, Bible lesson, quiet time and rhythm time.  Anyone can attend at no cost and the amazing study notes and reading resources are provided, free for the taking.

Is there a catch?  Um....... yes.....  I'm not going to lie.  If you are looking for a coffee klatch and zero homework, this gig is not for you.  If you're looking for a "feel good, whatever works for you" approach to reading the Bible, that leaves you stumbling around and wondering if anything really makes any sense, you won't get that here either.

But if you are willing to entertain the idea that there is a group of people out there that have developed a systematic way to study the Bible that inspires, invigorates you and changes how you live your life, the homework is a small price to pay.

I'll be honest, it's been my first year (they run on a school calendar schedule) and I have not been a stellar student.  I've had to sit and be quiet because I didn't answer the study questions ahead of time.  My kids have often missed playtime as I struggled to make it before my group started on the third question.  There's been a fair share of kicking (by my kids) and screaming (by me) to load up the van and hustle up to get there.  While I'm working to improve in those areas, I've been encouraged, knowing that it's not my perfection that I seek, but God's perfection.  I'm learning about His wisdom through His Word.

When I leave BSF, I am encouraged, challenged and renewed to face the daily struggles of life with grace.

And guess what?  You don't have to go to my church, or any church, for that matter, to get in on the action.  So I'm inviting you to an Introduction Class.  Test drive it for yourself and see what you think.  Because it is an Introduction, they will not have childcare available for you for that first class.  The kids have to be preregistered, but you can sign them up when you attend the first class.  If Thursday mornings don't work, they have other classes for women, men, young adults and kids around the world.  You can check out their class offerings here.

I hope you'll join me.