When I've asked people, "What are you thinking about?" I'd occasionally get "nothing". Nothing? Really? The mind is always processing something, isn't it? The chatter in my brain, which I've always taken for granted, is not common, apparently. Whoops...
Since that revelation, I've gone on to get an assessment for Adult ADHD. Medically, this is a growing development where adults are finally finding out that they have ADHD. It is not adult onset ADHD. The patient always had ADHD, it was just never diagnosed when they were kids.
For me, this is particularly telling, since I was diagnosed with ADHD without hyperactivity (formerly known as ADD). In fact, most girls with ADHD are often undiagnosed, because they are not swinging from chandeliers or rappelling off bannisters when they are little. They "behave" nicely in school and seldom get "in trouble".
But it makes a lot of sense.
It's the reason that I will forget the groceries if they are in the back of the car. Out of sight, out of mind, baby. I have even walked in the house, talked to family members about my purchases and STILL forget to unload the van if the purchases are not on the passenger seat.
It's why I will get lost, or at the very least, make about 2 U-turns when I go to your house. And, yes, I realize I've been there 5 times. I actually factor in a U-turn allowance for trips. And, yes, the GPS, one of the best Christmas presents I have ever received, is used daily to get to church, friends' houses and anyplace else.
It's why anytime I do ask for directions, after the second or third step, I have drifted off in my mind like a deer in the headlights and will not hear anything else. (I've been known to stop and ask for directions five times when they are very complicated directions).
At a 3 minute stoplight, my brain has been firing thoughts nonstop. It could seem like 20 minutes and when I snap out of it, I have a mild freak because for about 2 milliseconds, I forget where I am and where I'm going.
I will interrupt you and talk alot about myself. It's not that I don't care about you. Au contraire, I'm very interested, but I know I will forget what I was going to say if I don't just say it right then.
I do my best thinking when I'm in motion - working out, driving, etc. Some of my best ideas come when I am in the shower or during a yoga class. I guess these are the few times that there is only one conversation going on, the one in my head. So yes, when I'm talking with you, I'm having two conversations. This is also why interrupting just comes naturally to me.
In Russell Barkley's "Taking Charge of Your Child's ADHD", I was reading a case study to learn more about ADHD for my son. It was amazing, because the little girl who talked nonstop could have been me. That case study was me in grade school, exactly! In fact, my nickname in school was "Motormouth Maribel".
I can do the work of 10 when it comes to productivity, but will eventually crash and burn with lethargy. I've been able to get away with this, especially with work, because while I'm still vegging out, my counterparts are just starting to catch up again.
ADHD is also why there are some unexplained times why it will take an eternity for me to write a simple email, why I find myself researching the mysteries of reverse mortgages instead of paying the bills and why some very simple things can really take me a long time to do.
For me, ADHD has been more of a nuisance and a frustration. For some, it is very debilitating trying to manage a brain that is firing out of control. While I am not taking any medication for it, the need for medication in many cases is very legitimate and very effective. I can joke and laugh about it because I have unwittingly built up many coping strategies and support systems that allow me to be effective.
Knowing about ADHD allows me to finally acknowledge that I am not undisciplined or uncaring, I just have trouble filtering things out when I need to. In getting a diagnosis as an adult, I have been able to be more forgiving of myself. Instead of berating myself for getting lost yet again and wondering why "I can never seem to figure it out", I understand that this is just how I am wired. Now, I know that I will peter out if I continue at a rapid-fire pace, so I consciously try to set boundaries, commit to less things and simplify wherever possible.
I am a work in progress and still bite off more than I can chew. But, now, at least I can start being more effective with the strengths I have instead of letting my weaknesses drag me down.
Maribel Ibrahim, The Frugal Writer, created www.StartSchoolLater.net and is a Co-Founder of Start School Later, Inc., a grassroots coalition dedicated to ensuring that the health, safety and equity of children are protected when determining school start times. In fine ADHD style, she just made the cut and wrote this post in honor of September being ADHD Awareness Month.
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