Movie Review: Happy Feet

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366548/

I'll admit, I don't get out much.  Adult movies are not on the radar for me, and I'm too cheap to spring for first-run movies for my kids.  So the freebie summer screenings are just my bag.  That being said, I got to see a real gem of a movie this summer, only four years after it's release.  It was one of those typical animation movies for kids, with enough adult humor to give parents the patience to see it through.

I think I enjoyed this movie a bit more than my kids did, because it had a wonderful message, with a great mix of realism and idealism.

(SPOILER ALERT:  Stop reading here if you don't want me to give away the plot).

It starts out oddly enough, with Mumbles, a funny little penguin who is born with shifting, moving feet and an inability to fit in like the rest of his penguin colony.  This kid is different and struggles to find a balance.  How does he fit in without completely stifling his own personality?  This was particularly poignant for me because I see my ADHD son (and myself!) with those same struggles.  We are who we are, and we can't change certain things, but we need to find a way to fit in a society that doesn't operate the way we do.

What I loved about this movie is that Mumbles, internally, accepts himself, even when others don't.  He struggles because he can't fit in the way others expect him to.  His father tells him to keep still and "fake it" to fit in.  His mother loves him, but can't seem to shield him from the ostracizing public.  He even has to venture off and abandon his love interest because he knows he will never be able to live up to her standards.  He needs his space.

When Mumbles finds his rhythm with tap dancing, it is his way of expressing himself.  It's not accepted at first because in the movie, penguins learn to sing and share their heartsong.  A crew of outcast penguins give Mumbles acceptance, a first glimpse of community that Mumbles has desperately longed for.  In the end, Mumbles is able to share his heartsong through his dancing feet, influencing a positive change and a fresh new way of doing things.  He does not have to abandon who he is but is able to use his strengths to counterbalance his weaknesses.

How glorious would it be, if we could embrace each other, and show compassion for those who are different?  Instead of ridiculing and mocking those that don't fit our typical mold, why not look for the gifts that they bring outside of the mold?  In the end, as Mumbles gains acceptance, he does not have to change himself or conform to standards he can't attain.  He blesses his colony with the gift of dance and everyone is all the better for it.

Why I'm ODDly ADDing

Being a mom to three hyper kids has always been an adventure.  Having a ramped up personality myself, I figured my apples didn't fall far from the tree.

But as my oldest son grew older, things that should have gotten easier got harder.  My enthusiastic, lovable, adventurous little man grew argumentative, angry and generally unhappy, and I couldn't put my finger on why.  He had a hard time controlling himself, hated school and had outbursts that were more typical of preschoolers.

We started clamping down and disciplining him for misbehaviors and willfullness.  We even canceled his 7th birthday party.  One evening at dinner, he was punished for misbehavior and was not allowed to play with his father's iPad, a usual evening ritual.  The next thing that happened gave me chills.  Unfazed, my son very politely asked for paper, scissors and markers.  He wasn't upset over the punishment, but was very intent on getting something done.  When I inquired why he wanted these things, he very happily said, "I'm going to make my own iPad, so I can play it."

What gave me chills was that he was comfortable with shifting from reality to fantasy as a coping mechanism.  He was so chipper that it was eerie.  While this incident, in and of itself, was not a huge problem, I saw a dangerous future, where my son would easily be able to distort reality in order to cope with an undesirable situation.

I talked with a good friend with a counseling background and the words Oppositional Defiance came up.  I read more about Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and found that my son exhibited all six of the symptoms of ODD.  The symptoms were like a playbook of my son's recent behaviors.  While he wasn't busy destroying property or kicking people, I could see that his frustrations, left unchecked, would get worse.  Oh, and get this, punishment and negative discipline is the WORST thing you can do for an oppositional child.  So, while I prided myself on positive parenting, I was falling into the trap of ramping up consequences and shifting into a more negative way of parenting. (That's a whole new post, more on that later....)

A year later, and my son has been officially diagnosed with ADHD.  In fine fashion, my boy hit the double jackpot, Attention Deficit with Hyperactivty and Impulsivity.  Ironically, I never would have entertained the idea of ADHD without first discovering ODD.  I just assumed my son was strong-willed and hyper.  When he was interested in something, he had laser focus, not an attention deficit!  However, that hyperfocus is actually a trait of ADHD.  Go figure.

So now, parenting techniques that may work for neurotypical children will NOT work for my little man.  It is an odd thing that enforcing more punishment just breeds more misbehavior and frustration in our home.  This shift, a new strategy, is why I am now ODDly ADDing.  As a result, my son is getting the help he needs, tapping into his emotions and getting boundaries established in a way that is encouraging and effective, even if it isn't easy.

We are Not OK

The Real World (c) MTV Productions

This is a message that needs to be said.  I know it will be criticized, and anger and blame will be tossed around like a beach ball in Ocean City.  But it must be done.  You see, we are NOT OK.  Another senseless tragedy has seized our community.  And, yes, hold your breath, because I’m going to say the word:  Suicide.

It is gut-wrenching when I hear a mom friend confide in me that she is glad her son (a close friend of the victim) is meeting up with a group at a friend’s house.  She relates, “What do I tell him when he comes home?  That it’s going to be OK?  I don’t know anymore.”

She’s exactly right.  We are not OK.  The counselors can’t stop it.  Parents can’t stop it.  School administrators can’t stop it.  Not by themselves.  I’m not blaming anyone and I’m not trying to make people feel guilty.  But we all have a part to play in this.  We all need to roll up our sleeves and get busy changing things.  If collectively, we do not acknowledge what is going on, if we choose to continue to put our heads in the sand, suicide is going to keep happening.

The aftermath is not encouraging.  In the letter sent home to parents, the local principal mentions the death and the fact that there are counselors available.  However, there is no mention of suicide.  Even though there are local organizations such as Building Life and a 24-hour national hotline available to students and families, these are curiously omitted.  Perhaps it’s school policy so maybe his hands are tied.  But if we can’t even name the problem, how will we go about fixing it?

Unfortunately, in an attempt to be “respectful”, we lose the opportunity to talk openly about what to do and start healing.  An inquisitive middle schooler, a revered high school coach and a promising high school sophomore have all taken their lives in as many years, right here in my neighborhood.

To coin a phrase from a popular 90’s MTV show, it’s “time to stop being polite, and start being real.”

When patients finally get a diagnosis for a perplexing condition, there may be grief and anxiety.  But, when the disease in named, there is relief, or at least, determination in the face of adversity.

When more value is placed on how kids score on tests instead of being able to inspire them to learn, they just do what it takes to get by and pass the test.  When copious homework requirements compete with the need for sleep and sports, plagiarism and cheating start looking acceptable.

We can have as many counseling sessions and inspirational speakers at our schools talking about “getting help” and how you’re “not alone” but this is all talk with no meaning.   It is a bandaid covering a cyst.

With the mounting pressures of schoolwork, demanding extra-curricular activities and lives that run on a nonstop treadmills, our environment is the perfect breeding ground for suicide.  When top producers are receiving accolades, praises and compliments, who among them is going to stop and say, “I’m tired and I need a break?”

When our students are told, by our society’s standards, that sporting events are more important than family dinners or free time off on the weekend, who is going to speak up and say they’d rather have just a few hours to unwind from all the pressure?

Our students are told to be more responsible and learn to deal with competing interests, to get up and get to school before the trash is picked up and figure out how to fit 30 hours of activity in a 24 hour day.  Students and staff that want a break, state they need a change, or admit that they are tired, are classified as irresponsible, underachievers, selfish or unmotivated.

Who is going to stand up and say enough is enough under these circumstances?  We can say what we want about “getting help” and “not suffering in silence”, but the rules and expectations that we drum into our kids clearly say the opposite.  And they are hearing that message, the message that you should be able to “handle it all”, loud and clear.

As a parent of three young kids, I’m leading my own battle of independence from pressure.  We reserve Sundays for church and unscheduled free time (no organized sports!!) and leave at least one night a week open for unstructured activity.  But, how successful will I be at maintaining this stance when my kids are assaulted with the need to compete with others gunning for the same college admissions and the limited number of coveted jobs in respectable professions?

I co-founded Start School Later because ensuring the health and safety of our students is the first line of defense to help them thrive in life.  Improving sleep fixes all kinds of problems, including apathy, obesity, juvenile diabetes, truancy, risky behaviors, addictive behaviors, depression and suicidal ideation.  It also places a priority on the well-being of our students over all other competing interests and expenses.

My community has a huge homeschooling network, filled with people that are bucking the status quo and doing things by a new set of rules.  People seeking these paths of independence will strike out on their own and be marginalized or ignored by the mainstream members of our community.

What about the people that don’t have the choice or ability to homeschool?  What about those that don’t have the fortitude to take a stand against Sunday sports?  What about those of us who don’t have the reserves it takes to change the rushing tide of unquestioned busyness?

The symptoms of a person who is contemplating suicide is strikingly similar to a person suffering from sleep deprivation.  It’s no wonder we can’t see the signs of suicide until it is much too late.  Let’s stop this dead-end treadmill to merely survive and slog through our days in a relentless stupor.  Let’s reexamine what is really important in our lives and establish realistic priorities and limits.  Let’s talk about really making it important to give our children and community members room to breathe.  Let’s make real, lasting changes and live it by example.

Maribel Ibrahim, The Frugal Writer, created www.StartSchoolLater.net and is a Co-Founder of Start School Later, a grassroots coalition dedicated to ensuring that the health, safety and equity of children are protected when determining school start times.  To get involved, visit Start School Later and join the effort to ensure that children do not start school before 8 a.m.

You are Cordially Invited...

I finally figured out why my church parking lot is jam packed every Thursday morning.  Yep, Thursday morning, in addition to Sunday.

It's called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) and it has revolutionized my life.

Think I'm being overly dramatic?  Nope.

It really has been inspiring for me to dedicate my Thursday mornings to a time of thought provoking discussion, inspirational teaching and disciplined study of the Bible.

My preschool aged kids have benefited too.  They get their own version of the same lesson, complete with play time, music time, Bible lesson, quiet time and rhythm time.  Anyone can attend at no cost and the amazing study notes and reading resources are provided, free for the taking.

Is there a catch?  Um....... yes.....  I'm not going to lie.  If you are looking for a coffee klatch and zero homework, this gig is not for you.  If you're looking for a "feel good, whatever works for you" approach to reading the Bible, that leaves you stumbling around and wondering if anything really makes any sense, you won't get that here either.

But if you are willing to entertain the idea that there is a group of people out there that have developed a systematic way to study the Bible that inspires, invigorates you and changes how you live your life, the homework is a small price to pay.

I'll be honest, it's been my first year (they run on a school calendar schedule) and I have not been a stellar student.  I've had to sit and be quiet because I didn't answer the study questions ahead of time.  My kids have often missed playtime as I struggled to make it before my group started on the third question.  There's been a fair share of kicking (by my kids) and screaming (by me) to load up the van and hustle up to get there.  While I'm working to improve in those areas, I've been encouraged, knowing that it's not my perfection that I seek, but God's perfection.  I'm learning about His wisdom through His Word.

When I leave BSF, I am encouraged, challenged and renewed to face the daily struggles of life with grace.

And guess what?  You don't have to go to my church, or any church, for that matter, to get in on the action.  So I'm inviting you to an Introduction Class.  Test drive it for yourself and see what you think.  Because it is an Introduction, they will not have childcare available for you for that first class.  The kids have to be preregistered, but you can sign them up when you attend the first class.  If Thursday mornings don't work, they have other classes for women, men, young adults and kids around the world.  You can check out their class offerings here.

I hope you'll join me.

Sleeping In Saves Lives

While I hate to be melodramatic, there are two indisputable facts right in my community of Anne Arundel County, MD:

1) Anne Arundel County has the earliest public school start time of any school district in the state of Maryland, 7:17a.m.

2) In Anne Arundel County, suicide is the second leading cause of death among youth ages 10 to 17, second after unintentional injuries, according to a September 2010 report issued by the Anne Arundel County Department of Health.

Coincidence?  No.  Not when you consider that sleep deprived people often have feelings of depression and hopelessness if they continue to not get enough sleep.
An out of state petition signer (#3149) even stated as such, commenting: "Being tired every day is, I think, one of the reasons behind my suicidal impulses."

And yet, even a small change to start schools later will improve mood and lift depression almost instantly.  This is in addition to the preventable accidents that occur with student pedestrians standing in the dark and sleepy teens driving to school.

For now, if you or someone you know is feeling hopeless, has mood swings and is withdrawing from their normal daily activities, visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or call 1-800-273-TALK anytime day or night to speak to someone who cares.  Here in Severna Park, we also have Building Life, a local community of people that can help pave the way out of darkness.

Start School Later plans to go to Washington, DC on the week of March 5, in honor of Sleep Awareness Week, to present our national petition.  But, if we don't have at least 5,000 signatures, our plea to give kids what they need will fall on deaf ears.

We also plan to bring the local Anne Arundel County petition, which is in dire need of signatures to accurately represent this problem in our county.  Every person aged 13 years or older, with a valid email address, is eligible to sign both the local and national petitions.

With only two weeks left, there is no time to lose.  The most effective way to get more signatures is to forward this blog post to five family, friends and associates.

Another simple, but effective way to increase signatures is to invite five Facebook friends to sign our petitions.  Simply share the national (http://bit.ly/tWa4dS) and Anne Arundel petition links (http://chn.ge/xO0DYf) and tag a few of your friends on your Wall's posting.  They will be able to see the link(s), learn about our petitions and click the appropriate links to add their signature.  (To "tag" a friend in Facebook, simply type @ followed by the first few letters of their name.  Facebook will then recognize and suggest your friends to include on the post).

If you are still not convinced that school start times are a problem, take a look at this YouTube video.  Filmed right here at a Blue Ribbon school in Anne Arundel County, the film is a disturbing look at what really goes on in classrooms early in the morning.

We hope you will sign both our petitions and spread the word.  Your support could be a life saver, and it could very well be one of our own.

Maribel Ibrahim, The Frugal Writer, created www.StartSchoolLater.net and is a Co-Founder of Start School Later, a grassroots coalition dedicated to ensuring that the health, safety and equity of children are protected when determining school schedules.  To get involved with Start School Later, sign the national petition and the Anne Arundel County petition to ensure that children do not start school before 8 a.m.

My Dirty Little Secret

I have a confession to make.  Since I'm putting my personal self out there for you, I feel the need to make it right.

While I'm busy encouraging schools to start later, putting my kids to bed at a consistent hour every night and fighting to make high schoolers sleep needs a scheduling priority, I have not been practicing what I preach.  I am guilty of burning the midnight oil.  Well past midnight, I might add.

Maybe it's the New Year calling.  Perhaps it's the extra awareness I have of the sleep needs of others.  Falling asleep at red lights and losing patience with my kids is another sure sign that this situation must be remedied.  In any case, I don't want to cheapen this effort as a "resolution", but it is a personal declaration.  It is, in fact, a personal curfew.

If it's good enough for my kids and keeps them less cranky and much healthier, it's good enough for me.  So, for the last two weeks, I have given myself an official "lights out" at 11:30pm.  That is the absolute latest that I am allowed to stay up.

Unlike the old me, you will not find me on Facebook, checking email, completing writing assignments, folding laundry, using my computer or anything else after 11:30pm because I'll be asleep.  And that is the LATEST I'm allowed to stay up.  (I actually wrote this blog post the day after I planned to because I went to bed at 9:30pm!)

Perhaps the challenges of writing deadlines, a house full of young kids, school and extracurricular activities will force me to stay up as it did in the past.  However, perhaps by enforcing this curfew, I will be forced to reprioritize what really has to be done during the day instead of leaving it for the night and sacrificing my own sleep needs.

After seven consecutive years of dealing with a nursing baby or pregnancy (or both!), my kids are all older and they all sleep through the night.  So, the time is right for me to exercise that right as well.  Yes, contrary to popular belief, sleep is not a priviledge, but a necessity.
It has only been two weeks and I'm noticing things, even as my laundry pile grows and the paper monster attempts to bury my desk.

• The sore throat I had for two weeks went away.
• I find it very easy to say "no" to requests and prioritize what is important.
• I crave less carbs and sugary snacks and I'm losing weight.
• While I cook dinner, I can run a load of laundry, make a phone call, coach through homework assignments, keep the little ones entertained with arts and crafts and dance with my kids. 

I may be scrambling to get things done as I work them into a new routine and things certainly are not perfect (my kids have gotten clean clothes from the dryer and the dried out Christmas tree is still up), but now that sleep is a priority, I don't dread staying up past 1am to "get it all done".  Frankly, I'm inefficient at that time and only able to operate at 50% anyway.

My curfew is like an important appointment that I set for myself.  Just like a dental cleaning or a doctor's appointment, sleep is easy to put off, but hard to ignore in the long run.

This is another reason why www.StartSchoolLater.net has become such an important cause for me.  Sleep needs can no longer be ignored or dismissed as a luxury.

Who's with me?  Who wants to make sleep a priority this year?  Post your thoughts below and share your insights.  Just don't expect me to answer anything if it's past 11:30pm.

Start School Later

I'll admit, I've been busy with a new gig to post much on my blog.  However, I thought I'd summarize my involvement with StartSchoolLater.net, which is a passion that has sucked up all my "free" time.

I'm attaching my recent post on my blog on Severna Park Patch:

I have enjoyed being a Patch contributor for over a year. Now, Patch has graciously allowed me the space to air information topics that are near and dear to my heart.

I have seen first hand how a reader post from Severna Park Patch has blossomed into a widespread national campaign. From Temecula, CA, communities large and small have the ability to inspire, connect and engage a readership. These communities because of Patch Power.

I was so inspired by Terra Snider's original post and quest to petition the White House about starting school times later that local advocacy group, www.StartSchoolLater.net

Terra and I meet for coffee every other week and we plan and dream about a vision that is daunting. For the first time in years, unite across the country, effective change may be within our grasp. This kind of change would never be possible if small, disparate to fend for themselves. That's Patch Power!

Severna Park Patch was the first site to scoop this story. As a result, the issue of school start times will not be easily dismissed least considering the health, safety and equality of school age children.

With a blog comes certain freedoms. I get to post opinions and musings. I will continue to contribute objective local reporting space is a little more personal. And, trust me, it won't be too serious all the time. I'll be posting other things, like parenting strategies and things that I hope inspire you the way they inspire me. You get a chance to share the journey with me and suggest your ideas as well. Come along for the ride!
Frugally Yours,
Maribel Ibrahim
www.TheFrugalWriter.com