As the only adult in the house for a while, I have opted for instant coffee because I only need 1-2 cups of coffee a day, which I drink in the afternoon. So why am I dusting off a coffee maker now? Well, because I have a 17 year old and after many years of not letting my kids have coffee, he has made the cut.
Coffee is my social drink of choice. Some people go to bars or drink liquor to relax. I drink coffee. To relax. You heard it right. My mother can't settle down and sleep without a cup of coffee before bed. For a Puerto Rican especially, café con leche is a celebration unto itself. If a Puerto Rican host does NOT offer you a café con leche (even at 9 o'clock at night), that is their polite way of telling you the party is over and you need to take the hint. Coffee enjoyment may be in our Puerto Rican blood, but for me, an important ingredient is ADHD.
I noticed the calming effects of coffee for me when I was home raising my little ones. Once they were down for naps, I'd settle in for a cup of coffee and just take a few minutes to ponder the day. If I didn't get that naptime in, I was on edge for the day. Anxiety skyrocketed and my patience was nowhere to be found. (I was also sleep deprived for the first 7 years of my parenting, so all these symptoms were exaggerated).
However, looking back, I noticed something else. It wasn't the lack of naps that put me on edge. It was that I didn't have that pause with a cup of coffee to center me on those no-nap days. I noticed this because when they were older, even if the kids did not nap, if I had that cup of coffee (reheated a few times in the microwave probably), a feeling of general goodwill came over me. I really can't describe it to the neurotypical mind, but I literally would feel myself relax and it's like I could hear someone saying, "It's going to be OK. You got this." I was also able to focus a lot better and get things done.
That general feeling of goodwill and a sort of calming down of the brain is the EXACT effect that stimulants have on the ADHD brain. ADHD brains are constantly searching for a dopamine hit, which is why our brains wander and we move a lot. It's hard to focus if something is really boring, because we don't have as much dopamine as everyone else running around in our brains. THIS is why stimulants work for an ADHD brain. They have the opposite effect of what a stimulant does, which, for a neurotypical mind, is to boost your energy and make you excitable. For us, we get the dopamine hit we crave and our brains are content. We can stop the searching and now, we can relax and focus on just one or two things. Yes, it is counterintuitive, and seems like an excuse, but it's real. It's why I can drink a cup of coffee at 8pm and drift right off to bed an hour later!
For me, the effect of coffee will eventually stack up. I can't just go around drinking 3-4 cups a day. But that first cup is like gold for my brain, which brings me back to my boy.
After spending a year and half not having to sit in a classroom and being able to go to school online, my boy was in his element. He was in control of his own schooling destiny, for the most part, and while socially, it was depressing since he missed his friends, school wise, he didn't need meds to get him through the day.
The structure of classes now that we are back to in-person learning has been grating on him. He has anxiety with coursework, boring classes, college applications, tests and a part time job. He naps during the day and sleeps fitfully at night. I proposed that he try the meds again to see if that would help. It helped him focus but he didn't feel like himself and it got depressing for him. The meds might be too strong and he has way better impulse control than when he was in fourth grade. Enter coffee! It's the magical over the counter elixir that continues to work for me. You don't need a script and while it can be addictive, is easier to stop. He's old enough now that I don't have concerns about the effects on his heart rate or growth due to the caffeine (which is why I don't let my young kids drink coffee).
So we'll see how this goes. In typical Millennial fashion, my boy prefers oatmilk in his coffee. (Atta boy, black coffee is like blasphemy!) And, I'm enjoying a cup of real brewed coffee again, at home.
