It was a small, incidental moment, but it changed me in a profound way. I'm blogging about it so that I make sure this little moment is not forgotten. It's too important not to remember.
As I was shopping at ALDI, a little boy approached me and my cart and started to move my cart away. I thought for sure that the little boy was mistaken and thought he was taking back his own cart. But, alas, that was not it.
He wordlessly moved the cart out of the way to get to me. And, he practically climbed on me and gave me a fierce full body hug. He clung to me. I wish I could say I knew this kid, but I had never seen him before. I was surprised, but hugged him back and looked around for a parent, when his dad sheepishly said, "Oh yeah, he likes to give folks hugs." I assured him that in this post-COVID, mask wearing world, it was fine. I figured the kid had to be about 5 years old, so it was understandable that he might not be able to control an impulse, even in this guarded, no-contact world we now live in. As his dad took him and walked away, I waved and said, "Thank you!", as a way of letting them both know that this show of affection, while surprising, was fine by me. I didn't even get a name. It just happened so fast.
There was something in how that kid clung to me that was endearing. As a little black boy, hugging a complete stranger, it dawned on me that there was also a sense of urgency that was not lost on me. It was as if he was trying to "fix" all the problems of his world. He was trying to show other adults that did not look like him that he is good. He is nice. He is part of the solution.
And that's when I lost it. I was thankful that I was wearing a mask so nobody could see the tears, but my heart broke for that kid and for humanity because of his need to "fix" things. I've seen it before. When my black colleagues smile a little extra and go above and beyond to show their white peers that they are "nice" and "trustworthy". When the glad-handing and handshaking and greetings take on an almost exaggerated affair because first impressions last and first impressions are biased against them even before they get a chance to open their mouths.
As a Jersey Girl and Newark native, I've also had to do that dance. The "I don't bite, let me be a filtered, softer, nicer, less loud" version of myself so I can "pass". This built-in reserve was already built into this little kid. He already had to "prove things" and "fix problems", mostly, because adults have been too self-absorbed to notice that the little kids around us see the crazy that is going on. The stability that we as grown ups are supposed to provide for them is like shifting sand and this is the world they are trying to navigate.
I'll never forget that kid's fierce hug. That need to share, the passion for life. I can only hope and pray that he never loses that passion and the hope that keeps him moving in the right direction. He will experience tragedy, loss, rejection and despair. And I can only hope that love, that desire to chase after and fix things, will remain. Until then, we can take a lesson from my affectionate friend. Are we chasing after the wind with our proclamations and opinions? Or are we taking time to take stock of our world and what we can do to make it better? Are we going to dig our heels in and wallow in shallow victories, or will we roll up our sleeves and painstakingly invest in others that are not like us so that we can all be richer for it. I'm betting on the kid. I wanna be like him when I grow up.
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” - Matthew 19:14
